I try to write something at least once a day in a effort to encourage, build up or help somebody. I don't have much, but what I have in the way of words I try to give away liberally. Today, I'm wrestling with my emotions. Why? Because it's Mother's Day. For many, it's a day filled with church, dining out, cards, chocolate, pedicures and flowers. For me it's a bittersweet day.
I try not to cry. That doesn't work. I try not to be sullen. Not working so far. I try not to remember the funeral. This day brings it all back. Mom passed away in January of 1986. She was 45 years old. It was not anticipated. I got a call one night from my brother Jerry, that mom had been rushed to the hospital with a heart attack. I found myself driving like Mario Andretti the 4 hours back to my hometown to be with her. The highway patrolman in central Texas was kind enough to let me continue with a word of encouragement and well wishes for my mom.
I was blessed to have a few days and nights with her. The coronary left her heart damaged beyond repair and she was not a candidate for a transplant. My faith was tested. Questions were directed heavenward. My theology was challenged and found lacking. I'm grateful for the hours mom and I had in the CCU at Lubbock Methodist. We talked about life, love, faith, dreams, forgiveness, fear of dying, and the what ifs. I will forever treasure our time in her room full of machines, beeping noises, tubes, monitors and cold sterile air.
We were puzzled when she was released to go home to recover as she did not appear to be strong enough. I drove back to central Texas to resume my university studies and life carried on. I remember talking to her on the phone a few days later. She sounded tired, but hopeful. I'm grateful that we got to talk, laugh and say good-bye with a sincere, "I love you." Granny called a couple of days later. Mom had collapsed at home and moments later was beholding the face of Jesus. I can only imagine what she saw when she awoke in His presence.
While I was grateful that she was with Jesus, I was left behind without a mother. It created a void in my life that is still there 27 years later. So please forgive me if I'm not in the best of moods today or if I seem to be distant and distracted. I will try to focus on the good times, the laughs, the smiles, and the happy moments. I will forever treasure those. So, to every mother who reads this little piece, God Bless You and Thank You for all you have done, noticed and unnoticed, to form, shape and craft the next generation. Hug your mom. Tell her you love her. Kiss her. Say, "Thank you."
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